As long as I live..

I am an undergraduate student now. It will end soon after I finish this study by doing experiment. I know, study in my life will also get the end. I don't know when it will be. But, soon or later I will.

In this three years,  I got some trouble in my health. I think it was so painful for me. Every time I remembered it, I felt my tears would come down. My big trouble came in 2010. I got TBC. It was painful for me. Why? It's not just because of my physics pain, but also my psychics. I got difficulty in breathing and also got some annoying treatment. When I got cough, I saw my lecture was disturbed and so were my friends. I thought I get refusal from them indirectly so I took a decision to take a break from my study. Of course, it was also because I couldn't focus on the study. At the next time after that, I got a long treatment with those medicines and roentgens. Finally, doctor said that I am free from Mycobacterium tuberculosis. That was the end of the last year. It made me happy, of course.

I thought I won't get other trouble in my health. But, I was wrong.  Some days ago, or weeks, I got some trouble. Twice or more I got big headache so I couldn't feel the earth. I felt that everything become very light (not heavy). But, it's ok. At another time, I had a big kick in my stomach so I was not able to stand up. Another stomachache I got at the left side if i sat down while ironing my clothes for a long time. I thought I still could overcome these sickness. But, at about one week ago, I got an odd form in my body. It made me difficult to walk. Two days ago, it was smaller than before. But at the opposite side, I got another odd form bigger than the one. I was scared and anxious, but I could do nothing. It was very very painful. I got difficulty to sleep because of this term. Moreover, my backbone felt so sick. But, thanks God, today my condition is better.

If you read those statement, maybe you will think that I am a very weak person or I am a person who think just about the bad thing I got. But, I will tell you, I am not. I know, maybe I weak, very weak. But, I have a great God named Jesus Christ, my savior. He is always beside me and always give me more strength to survive. I know those weakness in my body, and I don't know when I will leave this world. But, as long as i live... I will do the best I can. Yes, I will.

This is one song (in Indonesian, of course) to make me strong at those condition:

Tuhan, hanya kepadaMu ku dapat s'lalu berharap

Kau tak 'kan pernah membiarkan ku bergumul sendirian

Di dalam kelemahanku, kuasaMu jadi sempurna

Kau tak 'kan pernah tinggal diam untuk memb'ri pertolongan

Tuhanku berkuasa untuk melakukan perkara yang besar

Dia ajaib bagiku

Tuhanku berkuasa untuk memberikan kemenangan besar di dalam hidupku..